We’re gonna die
I know this isn’t news to you. It isn’t news to me either but I’m remembering it deeply this week. My 2nd cousin passed away on last Monday. He and I weren’t close but we talked at family reunions and he was a stand up guy. I’m sure he had no idea that he would die this soon. Then, I had a birthday and remembered that my time as Michelle Martin Dobbins is likely at least halfway over.
Next, I came across post from Gary Vanerchcuck entitled Your Gonna Die. It reminded me even further that life is fleeting. (I shared it here on Facebook if you want to join the conversation)
Finally, I received a message on Friday that the graphic designer for Daily Alchemy, Valentina, who lives in Russia died that day. Out of the blue. She was close to my age and we’d worked together online for over 4 years. We never spoke but exchanged emails and messages on Basecamp. I’d inquire about how her holidays were and if she had a good summer. Other than that, our relationship was purely business. She’d just send me updated files the day before. It’s hard to wrap my mind around the fact that she’s gone.
Her husband sent me the message but I hadn’t known she was married. I still don’t know if she had kids or pets. I don’t know what her hobbies were or even where she traveled to on her last vacation. She was just a smiling profile picture who was always reliable, prompt and a talented designer.
I wish I’d have gotten to Skype with her at least once or twice so I’d have more of an idea of who I mourn.
For the record, I know I don’t actually mourn her. I didn’t know her enough to mourn to her. I mourn what she signifies to me, that fact that she died too early and too quickly and I don’t know if she feels complete.
Does she feel like she did everything she wanted to do? Does she feel that she followed her passion and lived the width of her years?
Will I? When my time as Michelle Martin Dobbins is done will I feel like I spend my time well? Will I feel like I loved enough? Will I feel like I was brave enough? Will I feel like I touched enough hearts? Will I feel like my life mattered?
I left my house this morning playing a new mind game–what if today was your last day and you couldn’t tell anyone or deviate from your daily routine in a way that other people would notice.
What would you do?
Who would you hug longer?
Would you listen more fully?
Would you take a moment to study the color of their eyes?
What would you say when they left your presence for the last time?
How would you move through your day?
How often would you look at Facebook?
Would you watch tv or sit outside with a cup of tea?
Would you be afraid to speak that thought out loud?
What intuition would you follow?
Would you care if anyone thought your pants were weird?
Would you write a poem?
Would you sing a song?
Would you take a long lunch?
Would you call someone just to say “I love you”?
I invite you to join me and do of much of your list as you can today. And do it again tomorrow.
We’re gonna die. It might not be today but we don’t know. The things that will make a difference aren’t the big things. It’s the little daily moments of love and connection–with our loved ones, with ourselves, with the earth, with the divine.
Loving every day, listening to our hearts and taking the action that we know will help us sleep soundly tonight that’s what will make a difference.
We’re all gonna die so live the width of today–
Namaste & Big Hugs,
RIP, Valentia Gribovska! Thanks for spending part of the width of your life making beautiful designs for Daily Alchemy
Namaste & Hugs,
Michelle Martin Dobbins