On my Daily Alchemy Facebook page, my intention is to expand love in the world. Love for ourselves and others. I aim to post words that will uplift people. A few days ago I posted this in my Facebook page “If you exist, you are worthy. End of story. You are worthy. You matter. Your dreams matter. #livefullout”
Someone responded with this comment. “Murders/Rapist’s exist…Are they worthy, too?”
I missed the comment for a few days somehow in the midst of New Year’s “goings-ons” and when I saw I didn’t want to respond right away. I felt it deserved an answer from a place deep in my heart because unworthiness is the worst disease we have on this planet. It most likely kills more people than any physical disease and creates much more pain. It causes people to live unfilled and just getting by, dying inside each day with their light hidden from the world.
Unworthiness has caused me more pain than anything else. I struggled for many years with depression and anxiety from childhood through my twenties. I’m thankful for it because it ultimately led me to a rich spiritual life, but I am still working on my own worthiness. I spend much of my childhood trying to not be seen. In elementary school, I didn’t want to read my story out loud because I feared being laughed at. In high school, I hated my nose and always wanted to hide my face after a boy said I looked like Barry Manilow in drag. I didn’t want to be questioned about the way I dressed or did my hair. I just wanted to hide. I was the introvert, who liked to read and write and spend time alone and I branded myself unworthy because of it. I had parents who loved me, a safe home and a comfortable life and yet, I still felt unworthy. I didn’t know how cool I was. I was brave enough to create my art, dress funky, and do what I liked to do, but I didn’t love myself enough to stand up to bullies or feel worthy. I didn’t know it then, but the people I feared would ridicule me didn’t like themselves any better than I liked myself. In fact, I shudder to think of the level of self-hate some people may have who didn’t grow up with the support and love I had. I know not everyone has a safe landing-place like I did. Even with the self-loathing in the background, I was able to attend college and get my teaching degree and when I found the Unity Church and the Law of Attraction in my early twenties everything began to change for me.
After teaching school for eight years, I decided I wanted to go back to school to become a psychologist because the kids were coming to my classroom lacked love and stable families. How could we ask them to learn when their lives were so broken? After a year of taking courses and working as a case manager in mental health clinic, I knew that this setting was no better than the school system. People came in and we gave them a diagnosis, pills, and a letter that said they needed a disability check. I’m sorry, but 100% of my clients suffered from “I don’t love myself and I don’t believe I’m worthy of having a good life.” They stank of it. Lack of love came out of their pores and I could smell it the minute they walked in my office. They were lost souls in pain. The pain of not loving themselves. They came in the door, knowing they weren’t going to get a better life there, they just wanted something to numb the pain that not loving themselves caused them. Sadly enough, most, if not all, of us counselors treating the clients suffered from that same disease, the only difference is the some of were raised to believe we were worthy of a little more. This disease comes in so many forms, from “I don’t feel worthy, so I’m going to eat a family size bag of M&Ms every day and stay in a job that I hate because I’m not brave enough to look for a new one” to “I hate myself so I’m going to get high on drug and can get my hands that numbs the pain and I’ll do anything to get it.” Whatever the we use to hide the sting of unworthiness, it’s all heartbreaking.
Worthiness is work in progress for me. Some days I am blissed-out just to be me. Other days, I have moments when I feel nauseous because I found a typo in a post (and let’s face it, that happens a lot) or I haven’t spent enough time with my kids for a few days. I’ve let some wonderful experiences into my life and I’ve been shown that I still lack worthiness in some areas. I know I’m not that only one. So many people message me because they have difficulty forgiving and loving themselves. I can almost feel how much each person loves or doesn’t love themselves and how much they are able to know their own worthiness when I connect with them. I can feel it when I slip back into that place of unworthiness myself. Self-love has to be a part of my routine. If I stop meditating, writing, drinking my tea, and taking time daily to show myself love, I can lose that connection. The good thing is once we’ve reached a certain point of self-love, it’s easier to get back to that level when we slip.
Still, I haven’t murdered or raped anyone. Does that change the stakes? Is there a line that once we cross it we are no longer worthy? If so, where do we draw that line? Are people who have murdered or raped no longer worthy? What about people who have shoplifted or cheated on their spouses? People who take paper clips home from the office? When we start judging some unworthy where do we stop? Does our planet have violence because people love themselves too much or not enough? Every time I’ve seen someone who committed a horrible crime, I can always feel their lack of self-love. They might look or act cocky or over-confident, but underneath there is pain.
So, yes, I think people who have murdered and raped are worthy. (I don’t, however, condone their behavior and I agree that they need to face justice for their crimes.) I wish they knew they were worthy because I don’t believe a person who feels worthy commits violent acts. Maybe a person who feels entitled, but not a person who feels loved and worthy. Violent acts come from rage and hate, not love and worthiness. When you love yourself, you focus is on creating a wonderful life for yourself and those around you. When you truly love yourself, you can’t help but love everyone else too. I’ve screwed up and I’ve hurt people in my life, but it’ s never been at a time when I felt worthy. It’s been when I hated myself and I thought I could take some action that would make me happier, but actions stemming from self-hate only bring more pain. Could a murderer who finally feels their own worthiness not become a force for good in the world, even if it’s within prison confines?
The more people who know their own worth, the more love will fill our planet. Maybe I’m over-optimistic in believing that love can heal our planet, but hating people we deem unworthy sure hasn’t worked. Ultimately, I believe this is the biggest element that is missing for most people who try positive thinking and the law of attraction and believe it doesn’t work for them. You can only going to let good into your life if you feel you are worthy of it. The more love you allow yourself, the more good you will let in. If you create a vision board with pictures of a life you want to experience but you don’t feel that your are worthy of it, it’s going to be very hard to let it into your reality.
So I say “If you exist, you are worthy. End of story. You are worthy. You matter. Your dreams matter. Live full-out.”
I love you. God loves you. The Universe loves you. Angels love you. Your higher self loves you. Everyone on this planet loves you whether their small selves know it or not. Accept that love. Soak it up and make it your mission in 2014 to love yourself and believe in your own worthiness. Start where you are. Like yourself first if you have to, but give yourself a little bit more love every day until you are immersed in it. We can change the world.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on worthiness or any other comments you may have. To prove it, I’m giving away a bottle of Abundance Essential Oil blend to one of my commenters during the month of January. It’s one of my favorite oils I’ll put everyone’s name in random.org and choose a winner to be announced here around Feb. 1st. Then I’ll email the winner to get their mailing address. Watch this space as I’ll be changing up my give-aways this year. Some months it’ll be oils and maybe crystals and some months it will be some of my new services and classes that are coming soon!
Transforming through Love and Joy,
Michelle Martin Dobbins
Namaste & Hugs,
Michelle Martin Dobbins