Couldn’t you just…

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Couldn’t you just…

How to do we make decisions? A lot of controversy has been stirred up around Angelina Jolie’s decision to have a preventative double mastectomy. Some say she is courageous and others think she is making fear-based decisions. Abraham-Hicks say it doesn’t matter what we do, but how we feel about it. That’s why the same actions have different results for different people. I think only Angelina knows if her decision is right for her by how she feels about it deep down.

I’ve been criticized for making a different choice about my health. I have chosen, for now, not to get mammograms.  I turned forty a few years back and my doctor advised me that it was time.  I researched it and I chose to do what felt best for my health, which was to employ a variety of natural cancer preventative measures and to have bi-annual breast thermograms. My doctor vehemently disagreed and told me that I might be able to get away with that choice for a few years but she didn’t know how long “they” would let me not get mammograms. Wow! I chose to get a new doctor.

I share this not to be critical of anyones choices, but to say that maybe we can all make the correct choice for ourselves, even when our choices are different. For some women I’m certain mammograms are the right choice, just as I am certain that right now for me they are not. I believe the more secure we feel in the decisions we make for ourselves the less likely we are to have anyone question them. If we don’t resist other opinions, they probably won’t continue to share them with us.  However, I’ve had well-meaning people ask me “Couldn’t you just get a mammogram, what’s the big deal?”

Hello! The big deal is being authentic and following my feel good, not anyone else’s. When someone asks me “couldn’t you”, they are usually asking me to do what everyone else is doing, even though it doesn’t feel right to me.

Examples in my life are:

Couldn’t you just get a real job?

Couldn’t you cut your hair?

Couldn’t you just put your baby in day care?

Couldn’t you dress more conservatively?

Couldn’t you just have your baby in the hospital like everyone else?

Couldn’t you give you babies a little formula?

Couldn’t your kids just go to their neighborhood school?

You might have the exact opposite questions asked of you, for example: Couldn’t you quit working and take care of your kids? Maybe people asked Angelina why couldn’t she just get checked every three months.  Everybody will make different decisions about what is right for them. Then, we need to stick by what feels right for us and let other people’s questioning go. I used to get upset by these “couldn’t you” questions but now, I just say “I could, but right now I’m choosing to…”

Jannette Dalgliesh’s 30 day Giving Up Should group has helped me to really focus on the decisions I’m making and if I’m making choices based on what I should do or what I really want to do. I invite you to check in with your higher self when you make big and small decisions. There are no wrong choices, but the ones that are in alignment with our true selves are more fun.  Jeannette Maw is activationing Peace with Not Knowing which is great way to feel better about our decisions.

How do you check in to make important decisions and how do you handle criticism of your choices? I’d love to hear from you. To prove it, I’m giving away one of my Angel Card readings (see service page) to one of my commenters during the month of May. I’ll put everyone’s name in random.org and choose a winner to be announced here around June 1st. Then I’ll email the winner with the details if I have access to their e-mail or you can check back here around the first and e-mail me if you’re the winner.

  • Yes, Michelle! Good for you. I can hear my own set of questions. 🙂
    Do what feels right for you no matter what. We all know what feels best to us. When we move in that directions the outcome will always be better than when we begrudgingly did what someone else told us to do. Keep your own council.
    Great blog, thanks for sharing, Michelle!
    Have a great week-end!

    • Michelle Dobbins says:

      Crystal, you are so right that we always get a better outcome when move in the direction of what feels best to us. Thanks for your input! Have a great weekend! 🙂

  • Luzia Light says:

    I so can relate to those “couldn’t you just”. I think people are just trying to be helpful, but doesn’t it make you want to say “couldn’t you just mind your own business?”. You are so right for doing what feels right. I also don’t get mammograms. And I totally agree, that the best decisions are made when you’re tuned into your Higher Self, absolutely. I just really hope that Angelina Jolie consulted her Higher Self before she made her decision. It’s such an extreme step. If you do things like that where do you stop? Do you also get the hysterectomy for good measure? And remove the appendix while you’re at it?
    Great post. Thanks for the reminder to stay true to yourself!

    • Michelle Dobbins says:

      Luzia, I have to agree when I first heard about her surgery, I thought the same thing about where do you stop. For me those measures don’t feel good at all, but I know I want people to respect my decisions so I’m trying not to judge and hope that she followed inner guidance to make her choices. Even so, if we make a decision we don’t like, when we get back in alignment, things will still work out just fine. Thanks for sharing. 🙂

      • Luzia Light says:

        You’re absolutely right, Michelle, we can never judge anybody’s decision and it’s always best to never give unsolicited advice. So true. I also think it’s true that no matter what we decide to do, as soon as we get back into alignment, all’s well! (-:

  • Laura Seaholm says:

    Great reminder, Michelle, for remembering to listen to your own wise/Large self and feel for the best decision! Thanks for posting- so many options work for so many different folks.

    • Michelle Dobbins says:

      Laura, thanks, I’m learning it works best for me when I go within for guidance and have the confidence not to ask other people’s opinions. Have a great weekend. 🙂

  • Tana Anderson says:

    WOW, this was a great post!! Thank you.

  • Wonderful post, Michelle, and thank you for providing a gentle voice of reason around the topic of Ms Jolie’s decision. I agree – it’s not about what we do, it’s about what we FEEL.

    And certainly, sometimes what we do fires up other people’s opinions about our actions. It’s times like this I’m glad I’m not famous. :-O

    Thank you for mentioning my ‘dropping should’ project!! I can’t help seeing the similarity … that when someone says “couldn’t you just….” what they’re REALLY saying is “I think you should….”

    I have enough ‘should’s of my own, without taking on somebody else’s 😉

    • dmdobbins98 says:

      Janette,
      I agree. I’ve found I have a lot more sneaky “shoulds” hiding out than I thought, so I don’t want to take on anyone’s “shoulds” for me, no matter how well meaning they are. We can’t see what another person is feeling, so we can’t know what decision is right for them. Thanks for starting your group. I haven’t posted a lot but it’s been eye opening for me. 🙂

  • Jessica says:

    “She didn’t know how long “they” would let me not get mammograms.” Good Lord! Talk about veiled threats! (What were “they” gonna do, not treat you for anything unless you agree to squish and irradiate parts of your body first?) Good job getting a different doctor. That other one never should have gone in that direction.

    • dmdobbins98 says:

      Jessica, I have to say when she said that to me, it was big contrast for me. Then, once I realized I that my doctor was showing me what I didn’t want, it led me to focus on what I did want. I wanted a compassionate doctor who believed in prevention and helping me create and maintain my own health and I found one that I adore.

      On that topic, I just heard someone saying ,in TED talk I believe, that there are doctors in some eastern countries that you only pay in the months that you are healthy. If you are sick, they didn’t to their job and you don’t pay that month. I thought that was a very cool paradigm shift.

  • janieemaus says:

    We all have to do what’s right for ourselves. If not, then we suffer silently and that would be a shame.

    • Michelle Dobbins says:

      I agree, I’ve been focusing on changing my story about decisions to “I always know what’s right for me and the people I love always support me.” It’s working, but if I’m questioned I just go back to remembering why I made the decision in the first place. 🙂

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