What You Really Wanted for Valentine’s Day


The dust is beginning to settle from Valentine’s Day and inevitably there’s a lot of unhappy women and men who feel let down. This might be mostly women. I’ve never actually had a man tell me how awful their significant other is because they didn’t get them what they wanted for Valentine’s Day. Maybe it’s just because they are whining to other men.

In this case, I only know women’s thoughts and I know many of them are not happy with their loves on Valentines Day. They received nothing. They received traditional, boring flowers and chocolates. They received last-minute, thrown together gifts. It didn’t fit. It wasn’t the right color. It wasn’t romantic. It wasn’t expensive enough.

I’ve been with my husband for 17 years and I have to say he’s always done a fabulous job on Valentine’s Day, but I’ve realized that my level of happiness really didn’t go up or down much on Valentine’s Day based on what my husband or anyone else bought me. Easy for me to say. I always got a good gift. True, but I haven’t always been happy. When you’ve been together for a long time, every year is not sunshine and roses. Sometimes your growing. Sometimes he’s growing. Sometimes you have toddler exhaustion. Sometimes your hormones are out of whack. Sometimes his hormones are out whack. Sometimes you are stressed by work and money. Sometimes you are mad at each other. Sometimes you don’t like each other right now. Even when you are mostly happy and you focus on the positive, things happen.  But it’s ok, because we can all shift and get what we really want.

We don’t want flowers, chocolate or jewelry. Ok, maybe we do but what we really, really want is connection.

Yes, we want connection, love, happiness, joy and bliss.

But, no one can give those to us. You have to allow them in. Connection and love are available for you whether you are single or married. You can find them with yourself, with the universe, with god, with angels, with friends, with family and within a love relationship. We are surrounded by love if we just look around like Nina of The Pollyanna Plan.  But if you don’t allow it for yourself no one can give it you.

Give yourself love. Give yourself approval. Allow yourself to receive the love that we are all surrounded by. Take responsibility for the level of love and happiness in your life. No one can give you love if you aren’t open to receive it. All it really takes is a shift in the way you think.

Here’s a few questions to ask yourself to shift your thoughts and lead you to what you really want:

How can I allow more love in my life?

What if I loved myself just a little more?

Can I open my heart a little more everyday?

How can I connect more to the people who are already in my life?

Can I treat my significant other as if he/she is everything I’ve ever wanted in a partner? If I don’t have a significant other right now, can I feel now how I believe I would feel when I have one?

Is it true that someone else can make me unhappy?

What if I took responsibility for my own happiness?

What if I made sharing my love with myself and the world my top priority?

If you need a little more support Byron Katie’s book I Need Your Love-Is that True?: How to Stop Seeking Love, Approval, and Appreciation and Start Finding Them Instead is a great resource for shifting your thoughts about how to get love from others.

I’d love to hear how you allow more love in your life or any comments you might have.  To prove it, I’m giving away a bottle of  Valor Essential Oil blend to one of my commenters during the month of February. It’s one of my favorite oils I’ll put everyone’s name in random.org and choose a winner to be announced here around March 1st. Then the winner can e-mail me their mailing address to claim their prize. Watch this space as I’ll be changing up my give-aways this year. Some months it’ll be oils and maybe crystals and some months it will be some of my new products and classes that are coming soon!

Wishing you much love every day of the year!

Transforming through Love and Joy,

Michelle Martin Dobbins

  • CJ says:

    As a youngster my dad told me, “There’s no such thing as a ‘Miss /Mr Right’…there are lots of people out there that can become that person, what’s more important is for you to be a Mr/Miss Right. Be strong and independent, confidant and focused, and others similar will be drawn to you. Two people can make a happy life together IF THEY ARE BOTH DETERMINED TO DO SO. It’s not magic, or karma. It’s the dedication and perseverence of two people. No-one will ever fulfill /complete you….what, are you incomplete to start with? Why would anyone want to be with you if you see yourself like that? I have a good partner, a good man. He’s not perfect, but together we make time to appreciate each other. I don’t want chocolates, or to feel like a princess. How patronising. I want (and give, and get) consideration. Which is respect.

    • CJ, I agree. Respect, love and connection are what we really want from each other. Unfortunately, some of us have been trained to by things like what our spouse buys for us. I have found connection with no gifts and vice versa.

  • Cloris Kylie says:

    Thank you for this article, Michelle! I think gratitude is so important in any relationship. Many times we don’t realize people are giving us a precious gift when they are with us: the gift of their time on Earth.

  • Cloris, I agree. Time is wonderful gift and we are all on an equal playing field when it comes to sharing our time. We all start out with the same amount to decide who and what to spend it on.

  • clintonjohn says:

    Have you read any of the ‘Five Languages of Love’ series? I found it very informative, and I understand that my partner and I don’t ‘speak’ the same language, that we have been ‘trained/conditioned’ to express love differently. It was always there, just expressed in a way I wasn’t used to seeing.
    I agree with Cloris: the gift of someone’s time is unparalleled.

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