Warrior Training Begins with a Whimper

Hello, Lovey Alchemists!
We are now almost 2 weeks into this new year and for me it’s the Year of the Warrior. If you missed my last post on this you can read it here. (It does contain some adult language so be aware.)
My warrior training started before the new year even began. Just so you know, when you announce to yourself and the universe that you are making a commitment, you will be tested. Usually you will be tested quite soon after you make this decision. You will be called on to do that thing that you are afraid to do.
And you might fail. 
Let’s face it. You will fail. And that’s a good thing. If you weren’t failing you wouldn’t be in the game. Once you get in the game, you are destined to have failure along the way. 
Just don’t take that failure as the end and go back to your safe little comfort zone. That’s the easy option, right? I tried and I failed so let me go back to my easy and safe life that I know is not serving me. Let me play small again because playing big didn’t work.
I call, BULL***** ( I’m think this is the year I’m going to need to change my rating to NC-17 because saying what I need to say requires strong language and more than that it requires painful truth telling)
I’ve already failed at being a warrior. In fact, I failed at least three times since January 1st, y’all, and as I’ve already stated that wasn’t even two weeks ago. But, I will not stop. I will get up and dust myself off and start again because that’s what warriors do.
My first failure went like this:
Just a simple little Facebook message from an old college friend that I hadn’t talked since, well, college:
“One Christmas request. Can I please have an autographed book?  I would be very thankful and happy.  If so,  My address is:*****
Thank you in advance and Merry Christmas.”
Without batting an eye, I messaged back, “Sure, going to the post office today, I’ll send it out then.”
And I did. Then, I began to feel resentful and angry. I wrote this book, My Heart is in Afghanistan, to raise money for children of deployed soldiers. It was all about philanthropy for me. (Well, at least 90%, I got to check off my bucket list item of authoring a picture book too).  This person didn’t support my Kickstarter, was never in the military, and is not someone I usually exchange gifts with.
I’ve donated 35 copies to children of deployed soldiers (with a little help from the military spouses advocacy). I lost money to publish the book, which is totally fine as long as my goal of giving back to soldier’s children is realized.
I like to give and my default answer is to say yes to requests. It in this case my yes took me away from my mission. I was taking money and books away from the kids I planned to help.
The correct answer to this request from my warrior goddess self would’ve been: “While I’d love to share a copy of my book, this is my philanthropy project for the year. I’m trying to donate as many copies to children of soldiers as I can and hopefully raise enough money to go toward scholarships for children of fallen soldiers, so I don’t have any copies to give away, but I do sell autographed copies for $15.00 and the money goes to a great cause.”
To be clear, I hold no ill will towards him for asking. Asking is a great skill–another one that I need to work on this year, but that is a whole post in itself.
In fact, I view his request as a challenge for me to rise up and be a warrior for my cause. Once you call yourself a warrior the universe will begin its tests.
Since I’m a warrior-in-training and it is my default to be a people pleaser, my mantra for now is “let me get back to you about that.” Then I can feel into the request and tune into my higher self’s answer and not regret saying yes when the better answer was no or vice versa.
I’m not about to beat myself up for not being perfect. I’m going keep training and keep fighting, like a warrior does.
How about you, dear one? What word has chosen you this year? How does it feel to start to embody it? Have you failed as living up to it like me? No worries, just dust yourself off and keep moving.
2017 is our year!
Warrior up!
Namaste & Hugs,
P.S. If you’d like to join a Free Facebook Group to support you living the width of 2017, you can find it here.